Yesterday I just happened to be listening to Tom Sullivan because the 99 has a radio in it. Tom was going off about people who tweet their every move. There are people who use Twitter to let everyone know where they are. I’m in Vegas, I’m at work, I’m downtown in the bars looking for you. Tom then points up a real website called pleaserobme. This website tells you at any given time which idiots are tweeting their whereabouts and if they are not at home.
We kinda get that. We’re all at home, tweeting that we’re on the other side of the world, waiting for your dumb ass to come try and rob us. We got somethin’ for your punk ass.
But it is amazing, I guess. I haven’t looked.
Things are looking good around here since they called off the rain. I’ll be out there looking to run over burglars with the lawnmower later. Then I’ll stay home to putter around some more. Hell, I’m home all the time. I never go anywhere.
Last night I watched an odd film called The Clearing, with Robert Redford, Helen Mirren, and Willem Dafoe. Arnold is a putz and Wayne used to run a rentacar company, did real well, inspired people, married Eileen, has two kids who are all grown up now. So Arnold decides to kidnap Wayne and demand an outrageous ransom. The film is about Arnold and Wayne in the woods, and Eileen and the kids dealing with the FBI and the fact that their hubby/daddy has been kidnapped.
You don’t know for the longest time that Arnold is the only one behind all this. Arnold waits until after dark and kills Wayne. Somehow he gets Eileen to drop off a bag containing diamonds and hundred dollar bills. Arnold, being a putz, starts spending the hundred dollar bills at his local grocery store, and that’s how he gets caught.
Wayne writes Eileen a note while he’s in the woods. In the note he says if she loves him, that’s all he needs to know. So when Eileen finally sees this note, she is comforted by it. Well that’s a real good sentiment there. Unfortunately this whole tragedy could have turned out very different if Wayne had been armed. But microsoft doesn’t want me to tell you that.
Obviously Redford plays Wayne and does a remarkable job standing up to this putz that kidnapped him. It kinda makes you wonder in the way that movies do, if there’s anybody from your past who might accost you in some nefarious way and put you in a messed-up situation. I know a crazy bitch who went to jail for getting a credit card in one of her ex-husbands’ names and charging lots of things on it. But in the movie, Arnold was someone Wayne didn’t even quite remember. Arnold stalked him for years after he met him.
So there. Just imagine any of these prima donnas from The Bachelor, having been jilted on national TV, turning around and stalking the ones who did them in. Oy. So many things could go wrong. Running out of coffee is the worst one I know. Or like, forgetting to set the clocks forward tomorrow. Or like, man, I need to get me some oil filters.