ice cream and anti-ice cream

In physics, and Star Trek, sometimes they have the conversation about matter and anti-matter.  It’s all very theoretical.  I don’t know anyone who has ever held a piece of anti-matter in their hands.  Theoretically, that’s impossible anyway. 
Usually the discussion includes a bit about what would happen if you could put matter and anti-matter in the same place at the same time.  They always say that’s impossible.  So you say, why?  So they say, if you could successfully put matter and anti-matter in the same place at the same time, afterward, if you were still there, you might not look at it as a success.  You might not want anyone to know you did that.  Because the matter and the anti-matter, theoretically, would annihilate one another.  There would be chaos.  There would be an explosion.  There would be a giant sucking sound. 
You have to realize this is all highly theoretical.  If you have a closet or a room where there is a great deal of clutter, you might identify things that matter and things that don’t matter.  But for the purpose of the theory, all those things are "matter."  Anti-matter is something entirely different that is an absence of matter, a void, a hole in the continuum wherein there is nothing, I guess.  I don’t know.  I don’t really give a $#!& because no one has ever seen anti-matter anyway.  It’s just a theory. 
I have eaten a lot of ice cream.  Not lately, but over time.  I suppose everyone "likes" ice cream.  Real ice cream is dairy fat.  The lactose-intolerant and fat-conscious have discovered you can make "ice cream" out of tofu and soy so you don’t get the dairy fat.  But real ice cream continues to be what it is, and everyone "likes" it. 
I used to go to a gym.  I’d go every other day and stay for two hours working out.  The best thing about the gym was what?  The skinny little girls wearing the spandex?  Or whatever physical conditioning you get?  Or the things you learn about what you eat?  I got to the point where I figured I could eat anything, because I was working out, and whatever I ate would disappear really fast. 
Right next door to the gym was an ice cream shop.  One day I went into the ice cream shop first, and got a double-scoop cone with black cherry ice cream.  There were pieces of black cherry frozen right into the ice cream.  And then I walked into the gym with my double-scoop black cherry ice cream cone and proceeded to eat it right there in the gym. 
Well those girls about hit the ceiling, telling me "you can’t come in here with that" you know, because if one of them had tried to eat a double-scoop black cherry ice cream cone it would have gone straight to their hips, I guess.  But I didn’t care, I told them, this ice cream wasn’t going to stay on me because I’m going to work out and I can eat anything I want.  So they rolled their eyes and cursed this demon spawn who dares to walk into the gym eating ice cream. 
The bottom line is that ice cream is fat, and if you’re not working out, it will get stuck in your arteries and kill you.  So I tell people, now that I’m no longer sweating with the spandex babes, that ice cream will kill you.  And I stay away from ice cream, as far as anybody knows. 
One night I went to the 7-11 and got a pint of Haagen-Dazs butter pecan ice cream and ate the whole thing all by myself.  It was wonderful.  But the next day, all my teeth hurt, all day long, because I had eaten this really cold sweet stuff I guess.  I don’t know.  It was annoying.  I find that this is not uncommon and rather than be annoyed, I just stay away from the ice cream.  As far as anybody knows. 
There are some situations where you can not avoid ice cream.  Recently someone hosted an event where ice cream was featured.  I thought about it, not very hard, and decided not to go.  I figured, why risk the possibility of mutual annihilation, chaos, an explosion, or a giant sucking sound by going?  Because you see, I have become anti-ice cream, as far as anybody knows.  So I didn’t go.  If there was mutual annihilation, chaos, an explosion, or a giant sucking sound, it’s not because I put ice cream and anti-ice cream in the same place at the same time.  It’s because somebody else did.  I’m lucky I wasn’t there. 

About comdude

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