There’s enough to make a list. For now, let’s agree that the first order of business is to figure out the microwave oven problem, since there is no other conventional indoor cooking mechanism.
The laptop can wait, since I lived without it for a few months already anyway. The bathtub can wait, since we have a "temporary" solution in place, made from an old shower curtain and some plastic packing tape. The shed can wait, since it’s waited for decades anyway. The hallway gate and carpet can wait, same reason. All that stuff either still works or is irrelevant. But the ability to heat food is pretty basic, so that goes at the top of the list.
The windshield wiper motor is unique. Since it was conveniently located on the floor in the center of the kitchen, I can only assume that in an effort to make the kitchen "safe" for the children, the motor was disposed of in the trash. The only fitting outcome would be if one day these guests were to be proud owners of the vehicle that has no windshield wiper motor. Only then would they get it.
So, to help keep the peace, for those of you contemplating hosting people in your home, you might consider imposing the following set of good rules on your prospective guests in advance of any actual travel arrangements.
1. No crisis requiring an ambulance, a fire truck, or any law enforcement vehicle is allowed. Nothing that reflects negatively on the employment of your host is allowed. Molesting and annoying the animals of your host is highly discouraged (the cats are glad to be in charge of the sofa now that the guests are gone).
2. No person is permitted to wire or connect any electrical device or devices together without the express approval and understanding of the host. No arguments about said wiring are allowed. The cost of this lesson stands at $1000.
3. No remodeling is permitted by any guest. No breaking of doors or walls is permitted. No suggestion of home improvement projects is permitted. No project shall be started by a guest and not finished by said guest before they leave. The cost of this lesson is the time it will take to identify agreeable bathtub fixtures and install them; the cost of said fixtures; and the fact that any guests in the interim will be inconvenienced by the temporary workaround or other construction-related issues such as lack of water to any of the facilities in the house.
4. The operation of any electrical device shall be supervised or performed entirely by the host. Persons not familiar with the operation of said devices are prohibited from operating them. The cost of this lesson is one microwave oven with rotating "carousel" type cooking platform.
5. No cleaning is allowed by any guest. If you find your accomodations to be unacceptable after you have been warned about them, you must tolerate them as you find them. The cost of this lesson is any hazard in the future complicated by the lack of properly operating windshield wipers. You haven’t lived until you’ve driven here in a rainstorm without windshield wipers. It can be done, but the idea was to fix the problem using the original motor that was discarded as junk by a guest.